1 August journal

It is tuesday folks. Hopefully a better day than yesterday. The world is seemingly crashing down around me. I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing just yet. I started yesterdays post, but never had a chance to finish it. I am stil worn out from the weekend and just havent had the time to get it finished. That is one of my bad habits, I tend to not go back to unfinished items. well those of unImportant issues such as my Post.

Things at work are just bad. Really Bad. ITs like the care of the people here is just crap. IT always has been and I just need to get the hell out of this god forsaken town. It seems that these are the most church going and knowing of christian issues, yet the most back stabbing and least knowledgeable people in the christian world I have ever met. With words like Bless your heart, God have mercy, Jesus loves you, and a host of other things to have you believe how holy thou are, yet stab you in the back, steal others property, and what ever else, claiming they cannot make it. Then take the “I cant hold a job” issue. Well if you came to work, did your job and showed that you are trying to the est of your ability, you might be able to keep one. BUt no, throw the boss under the bus, claim workers comp for being stupid doing a task the opposite of what was taught, being habitually late, lack of communication and what ever else, then wonder why the business closes and or you lose your job. WAKE UP AMERICA!! There is one fellow who claimed falling asleep during work hours is fine, then also filed an osha complaint. The OSHA complaint was for the things that are required to do the job and also for the fact that the complainer and the others in the shop refuse to do, PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES. Which is a requirment by company policy and OSHA regulations. I for one cannot go all day long picking up after the guys in the shop, or emptying the trash. Matter of fact there is so much going on wth this that I havnt had time to do my own work. Not to mention, a “girl” telling them what to do isnt floating very well with a couple of them. I also know that world is turning into shit and its just not a local issue. The issues listed above are everywhere, yet seemingly more prominent here where i am at.

On The dating front, not much is happening. Due to the above, I just have not had the time, or desire, much less the money to go out. I have pretty much stopped trolling for any relationship. I also feel that two things are still happening. One is I am still working on myself not to mention the year isnt up yet. Second, I am a tall woman of transgenderness, which to most people is rather intimidating. Then the last issue, which is funny, everyone who is interested in me, they are so far away. The closest person is an hour drive to or from where I am at. I am also tired of explaining my life history and reasons behind transitioning. I have found that the women are most accepting of me that the men. THe men want a notch on the bed post and I am not willing to be that. I have said I do want sex, but then then also need more than a sexual encounter. OR maybe I do need that to help me learn who and what I am more than I am. There seems to be one person that is somewhat interested and yet he has no job, no car, no desire and I only hear from him when I think he wants a booty call. After that I wont hear from him at all. He sent me a message sometime ago that asks what it will take to be a part of my everyday life. I am not sure but I think you need to have a job and money of your own first. I cannot take care of two people financially, not to mention mentally. I have yet to respond to him.

Well Peoples, I am off to get ready for bed. Its been a busy life lately and the world is just spinning so fast in my world these days. Have a great day everyone.


LOVE Candi

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