24 July Journal

Good Evening Folks, its been a manic Monday. Operations will start 7 August and well, I dont feel my area is ready for the day to start. A bunch of sloth working, no coming to work, getting hurt by being stupid idiots. It has gotten to the point that I have to go out into the shop floor and get my feminine self dirty, sweaty and chipped my nails. Sad when a girl out works the men. and not just one, 4 of them. Go figure, you need something done, call the women to get it done.

I was doing some straightening the other day and ran across the hair coloring I had bought a good while back. Since I had not colored my hair since i think January, and cannot afford to go to the salon to have it done, well, I tried my hand at doing it my self. My Soon to be ex and i would do each others hair coloring. I think it turned out ok for my first time on my own. That 30 minute wait time was a nightmare. I did manage to clean the kitchen and pay a few bills, then got my shower and washed it like it said and all that. ITs not like it was the first time i did the wash and condition it stated on my own. But from start to finish, it wasnt as bad other than i needed to have someone to talk to in the process.

On the transition front, I been really having some issues with my body. The hate of that “appendage” has returned rather full force. MUch as it was about 17 years ago, and as person in the early teens and twenties and before. I have had this extreme hate of my own self really bad. I can remember seeing all this feminine stuff about myself, then I see “that”. And all i wanna do is cry. I try to see other parts about myself that can keep me at bay for now. Hopefully I can (SRS/GRS) get it done someday. But I am afraid it may be to late in my life for any enjoyment from it. However, I will get one piece of enjoyment, the fact I dont have to deal with seeing an item i have hated for as long as I can remember. There is so much other stuff happening in my life right now that I try not to think about it and try not to look at it. BUt that is hard since it is there. Maybe someday if someone comes along and helps to getting me to see me as needed with or wothout that damn thing, I may ease up on the idea some. Until then, I just try to get through life.

Well FOlks there was so much more I wanted to say this evening, but I see that its not going to happen due to time. Since the phone rang, I got off track and lost that time. I was good to have a conversation and take my mind off of the troubles even if for a short while. Have a great eveing and I will attempt to write again tomorrow.


Love Candi

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s