18 July Journal

Good Evening Folks its tuesday and I am about to hit the hay. it s been a long day and I am pretty (and tired) LOL yes I am being a bit full of myself. Why the hell not? It is my blog after all, and, it doesnt matter what anyone thinks. Right? I do try to be polite, and correct most of the time. But here lately I have forsaken my personal thoughts for the sake of others. Which is who I am actually. Thats why i spent over 40 years being for everyone else and not transitioning sooner. Honestly, the only person I screwed over was myself. I created a great deal of personal pain and depression by doing for and because of others. So I will say, for your own sake and, from personal experience, do for you and not for others. You will thank yourself later in life But yet be sure that you have given it thought and really truly asked the needed questions before making a decision. The decision is yours…..

No for me, I am moving on with my life. I am going to write my journal here as always when time allows. I am going to vent my feelings and to hell with the misinterpreted stuff. If I can word things correctly and it gets misinterpreted, then guess what? You need to learn how to read and stop assuming things. I have omitted a great deal of things in the last few months. THings that would have helped me cope with myself and what is going on around me if had I vented those things like i intended this blog to be. This blog is to be a “diary” of MY life and what has affected it good and bad. I have left out more good and kept more bad along with other things that has greatly affected my mentality. Yes I can write it in a book on paper. Thats fine and dandy, but, I write here for a number of reasons. One, so I could interact with others with similar issues and gain some knowledge. Two, so I possible help another person in my shoes who may have needed the info i have put in here, regardless of how vague it may be in here.

So I have thought long and hard about changing my blog once again. Why? To many people are getting heart broke and love to misinterpret what I have written. second part of why is that I am no longer sugarfoots candi. Sugarfoot is the name my wifes brother named her when she was born. Some friends started calling me Candi when we started hanging out as a girls night. That in turn became Candice and then legalized in December. Since the first weekend in march i have had to learn to be me alone. ITs not been easy. First three months almost didnt make it through it all. I have since getting out of that and nearly losing my job, been used as an excuse to start trouble among others all for being a friend that I thought I was to the both parties to include my own. Hell I didnt know I was so hated. So i have ended my friendship at the expense of my own mental health to prevent issues form escalating into more. Because thats what I do. The best defense is to not offend in the first place. But I am good at offending and walking away for some reason. The other thing I have been up to is truly being me for a change. I am being me and happy, with some exceptions as is in everyones life, work and drama seem to keep us moving to the next level of awareness in our lives. I am searching for a hopeful relationship male or female or trans. i am not so hung up on what the person is anymore. I am being true to me and what I want/need. I am making some decent aquaintances here and there but nothing promising.

Well I am off to bed folks. I think I have rambled enough today. Remember be true to you and no one else.

Love Candi

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