9 July Journal

Good morning people, maybe I am just to damn sensitve to folks. No I am not ok. I will be sooner or later. In the words of Chief Joseph;

Tell General Howard I know his heart. What he told me before, I have it in my heart. I am tired of fighting. Our chiefs are killed; Looking Glass is dead, Too-hul-hul-sote is dead. The old men are all dead. It is the young men who say yes or no. He who led on the young men is dead. It is cold, and we have no blankets; the little children are freezing to death. My people, some of them, have run away to the hills, and have no blankets, no food. No one knows where they are—perhaps freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children, to see how many I can find. Maybe I shall find them among the dead. Hear me, my chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.

For me I am tired of fighting. I am sick and sad at heart right now. I have never wished any ill will towards anyone. 
I have only dreamed of a peaceful existance as a HUMAN, as a transperson. I guess the only way to get that is leave 
single person I know alone. I seem to be involved in things and dont know it. I seem to be the reason others are having
Issues. I am the reason for all the failures in the lives of people in my life at the moment. My own personal Interal fight of
gender dysphoria caused three people to leave me as a spouse, My family to abandon me, and the pains that everyone 
has to be my own. I do not wish to a part of the pains any longer. I do not wish to be the blunt end of a swinging object
to be used to destroy anyones life or well being. I am leaving everyone alone. I will live my remaining years as a hermit. 
with the exception of work and groceries, I will not be leaving my home to associate with anyone. I do not wish my heart on my
sleeve to be seen anymore. I do not wish to put anything on anyone that is negative or to be thought of as negative. So to end that
problem, I am leaving myself to myself. I am fighting no more. I am not placing my thoughts here on WordPRess for a while. I am
DONE!

I hope that everyone can possibly Understand. I am broken right now and need time to heal and learn.

TTFN
Love Candi 

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