14 JUne Journal

Good Happy Hump day folks. I am worn out. I honestly believe most of it is either stress or lack of physically moving every single day like i was before taking this position. Truthfully it isnt healthy and I am trying to find time to move and exercise. I probably need to get a schedule of daily things together and follow it so that I have excercise involved daily. BUt that is something I will have to work on.

So I have pretty much just not been trolling for boys. LAst night I got on the site and ended up with a few messages. One of which was from a cute fellow. However, he was a bit rushing in his ideas of going for a soda or milkshake which reslly was great in my book. That is where it went south. When I told him I was Trans, he came back and “Jesus would not forgive him for associating with a person like me. A person who wishes to change Gods creation.” I replied backI am, “I am sorry, maybe you Pray for your self”. So as that happened to me I got to thinking, am I doing wrong, or, was i there to awaken the clouded soul? This I have yet to know an answer to. I also thought about if it was really an issue, I wouldnt have been having this issue all my life. Then to think about love and being unconditional. I had a thought of how those with out sin may cast the first stone, which leads me to how he is a sinner for lusting after the female sex in the way he portraid himself. So how can he be the one to cast a stone towards me? So with that I am left with what am i doing and if I am doing correct. I have to be doing right or I would be sad. Sad is not a part of who I am anymore. Matter of fact, I am so happy 99% of the time its scary. Yeah I have my issues that come and go as anyone does. But As far as being satisfied with myself and who I am, compared to who I was, I just cannot look back or even go back. Any way I really havnt been on the dating sites at all until yesterday. I have one fellow I have been talking to and he is really sweet and all. Sadly he is two states away. SOmeday we will be able to meet I hope. BUt I am in no hurry. 

One of the things I am toying with in my head is whether to talk to people and learn them, allowing them to learn about me before telling them I am trans. The obvious issue is that they will have to know that I am trans before we meet. That will most likely go south. I have talked to quite a few who feel I am cute and sexy until that comes out and then I am the worst thing on the earth. BUt hey, I dont care, or do I? Some dont even want to go any further than that. Others just want a notch on the bed post that includes a trans person. Then some of them want to ask 100+ questions is which I am totally tired of answering. I do not want to answer them to every one. IF they become genuinely interested then yeah we can discuss that. Until then I am done talking about it my life story and where I am and why I am. All that needs to be known is that I am trans and if we progress then guess what, We can discuss that move forward.

Wel folks, I am off to get ready for work. Hope you all have a great day. 

Love Candi

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