31 May journal

Good morning folks it’s hump day. Lol yeah well for me no humping will be taking place. Lol that’s fine though. I don’t really need. Want though is another story. 

As i have dug through some of the pictures of me over the last couple years recently, i saw something. I saw a change from an angry person to one of either happy with a goal, or one of serious ideas and where to go. The eyes are beautiful, but very piercing. Maybe i won’t look like that for ever. I’m pretty tough on my own appearance. Many have said I’m beautiful. But there are days I just don’t see it. Not like i once did, just here and there now​days. But wheni do, it’s heartbreaking to me. 

I got the nicest letter from a fellow blogger and kinkster. From what she said and some othersi know personally, I’m am inspiration. I never really saw my self that way. Thank you very much. That means a lot. It really does. Though I’m flabbergasted at such words, one of my greatest issues in life is accepting any praise or gifts with outward joy. I’m really trying to work on that. But when I’m told things whether at work or otherwise, i feel it was just my job thati was doing and didn’t need any praise, or I’m just being an ass and you should not be praising an ass. So, i pondered on the words of inspiration and how i was doing so. actually the words aren’t mine, they are hers. “your blog is AMAZING. You’re inspiring so many with your frank and honest sharing about your experiences.” Honestly i read that and about fell out of my chair. I was thinking really? So as i pondered on that, i realized that yes they probably are. Sad and happy it’s all true. Everything i write is true. It’s also now that my mind is turned back on, something i saidi wanted to have of this blog. to help others in as much ofa way asi could. To let people know that there isa light at the end of the tunnel. Though it doesn’t seem that way at times, there is. 

There isnt much else going on in Candi Land. THe Amazon BItch is a tad under the weather again. The changes in the weather have not helped either. The cool damp air one day and then hot and humid then back, then maybe hot dry air. Well that is mother nature ya know. She like any woman cannot be tamed, or controlled. Pushing her to do something she doesnt want to do is not a healthy thing. Her Havok can reach immeasurable heights and we just have to really deal with it. I really am not going to where on this arent I? 

I Tell you what, ITs kinda tough balancing a love life which I dont have, and work and a life of trolling and bills and who knows what else.I got all the time in the world to do anything I want Right? For sake of the argument I am single. BUt in a few short months have grown used to the emptiness of the house. I actually enjoy it. I do want an occasional visitor but for the most part Enjoy what I have at the moment. Do I need COmpanionship with someone? Yes probably so. Crying, with no one to speak to is kinda old. BUt for some reason I think it is meant to be. At some point the Great Spirit will decide I am ready for a realationship. Dropping that person right into my lap. Who knows Maybe it has already happened and I am to blind to see it. Maybe what I have in my lap is the better opportunity to learn myself and others. Learn to trust someone besides myself. So I will figure all this out eventually. I have had some great teachers in my life and if my dumb ass would listen and follow I may be better off than I thought. LOL. I am gaining some very special friends in my life. SOme, if not most are here on WP. I do thank you all for the support and words of wisdom, guidance and anyother information. ITs a lot to take in becoming myself. I should have done this decades ago. I was asked yesterday if I was regretting my transition. I said NO I am enjoying every minute. I have my days that I cannot stand being in the dumps. BUt the general feeling is so much better than I have ever been in my entire life. I think my biggest issue is the fact I want things NOW, I Hate to wait. BUt waiting is what really makes things special. And I need to learn to be Patient. It will Happen when its time and only when its time. Just remember this everyone, just be you and who or what you are. NO matter what. 

I need to get ready for work and do the day of tasks that seems so mundane. Have a great day everyone!!!

Love Candi

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