18 May Journal

Good Afternoon Folks, Can you believe tomorrow is Friday? I thought it was Friday all day. That made feel really stupid when I kept writing the 19th of may on everything today. What a culture Shock too. 

I go to my hair dresser tomorrow after noon. I defintately need a trim and evening out. its been almost 6 months and they say 3 months for those things. BUt money and stress and a host of other things has prevented it. So I am splurging tomorrow. I dont figure any male wants a chic thats got frizzy hair anyways. 

Speaking males, or anyone else for that matter, I am just not really in the mood to speak to many folks. Small talk is fine but if I dont feel anything from you it aint gonna happen. I dont mean feeling your lower brain, i mean a feeling of a connection from an emotional state. Saturday last, I was at the bar during the afternoon. A fellow introduced himself and I just could not read him. I do not know if he wanted anything other than a chat buddy. He was quite eye pleasing and was eyeing me, but I just didnt feel anything. IF there was something coming from him, it was so subtle that I didnt catch it. SOmetimes I am rather dense to things like that, actually all the time.

As far as others go, I do not want to impose my problems on folks past this blog. So I am not really speaking to anyone unless they speak to me. I know thats probably not the right way to be, but I do not know what else to do. Dumping on folks is not what I want to do anymore. Especially if there isnt a relationship. Yeah I need a person to lean and cry on, spend the night with and cuddle but its obviously not meant to happen. People like me get physically hurt going out like that. Especilly when they find out we are trans. Maybe i should be dating a trans male, at least they get the idea of what its like. THough i am not sure about that either. I am just in a pickle and not sure where to go about all this.

I guess I am done ranting this evening. I hope you all have a great evening. I am sure I will have my normal evening. 

Love Candi

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