16 may journal

Good afternoon folks, it’s Tuesday. After a decent Monday, Tuesday had turned into Monday ever sincei walked in the door at work. More and more issues, one after the other is staggering. Otherwise I’m in a decent mood. What really sucks is the fact that units are just being abused. But i guess that’s life in Memphis. Someday I’m getting the hell out of here. 

So I’ve talked on this over and over, but, I’m going to just stay single a while and be me, learn me and the new stuff I’ve got to learn about me. I couldn’t afford to go out if I wanted too. My current outings are the grocery and work. That’s about it. Going and doing much else isn’t going to happen. I just do not have the funds to do much else.

Ya know, Being a woman is pretty damn awesome in my book. YEah we are mistreated by men, who, well, just cannot seem to get past the physical part of a relationship. No maybe it isnt all it seemed to be when I wanted it so badly, I still want it that badly. HOwever, IT IS great thus far, given the fun I can have with so manythings now. I do not have to wear drab old straight cut clothes. I do not have to hide my feelings of sadness or excitement to fit into the secret society of maleness. A society which I never really and truly felt comfortable in. As the time goes by and the perverbial “male fail” is ever present, mostly by those who did not know me previously, life has gotten so much easier. Provided an opportunity arose and wasnt a scam, I would move on out of this town and be me even more so. Slowly day by day I am seeing more and more Candice, less and less him. He had a good run on many fronts, but his time has run its course. THe course of Candice was meant to be. Probably sooner but he had to fight to be a part of something (family) who it seemed never really cared. Loved, yes, but if he was around he was good for fixing stuff and that was about it. The wisdom and knowledge was that in which no ears really wanted to hear. So being a female is just about like that except I am much cuter and people will talk to me. I still have a ways to go. some of my thoughts are way off the female path, others always have been, and then some fall someplace inbetween. I think we all have that in some way or another. Either way I am rather happy with myself now. Rather, well thats a word that isnt quite enough. ACtually I am extremely Excited and Happy, over flipping joyed by becoming a female. I am learning now more than ever to embrace it. From mannerisms to orgasms, Most of my life now has become female even to the point that I know that I cannot do the work I used to do. I am moody at times, Emotional all the time, and seem to notice way more about people than I ever did before. As sat here earlier, watching an old program on TV, I see and notice that women are not to have a brain. The case here was a wagon heading west that was way to heavey and large. NO male could come up with an answer. COmbining the teams of horses was not enough, adding the weight of wagon #2 to wagon #1. This left, regardless of combined weight or not, the single wheels of of wagon #1 sinking in the soft dirt or mud and being immobile. So, one of the ladies in the group of two couples suggested double wheels. The men thought and yes it would definately work. Spreading the load of the wagon over a wider area would keep the wagon from sinking. Later in the episode, the male and female were speaking and she flat out said, based on the conversation, “What, women cant have a brain and think for themselves?” I have to agree, women can think for themselves and in many cases are much wiser than the male counter part. No we cant life a lot of dead weight, not by hand anyways, but give us a lever and we can move the world. Credit for many modern inventions should go to a woman. As we and our predecessors have had to adapt to find an easier way of getting things done. A man may have gotten the credit, but I am willing to bet his wife or girlfriend came up with the idea in most cases. I know my wife had come up with many ideas. SOme that worked and some that didnt. She has some ideas now about things that hopefully will come to fruition and make her some money. So not only are we smarter in many ways, but we are better looking and smell way better. Thats my story and I am sticking to it.

The other things I am thinking about is my son. Whom I hope will talk to me again someday. I wonder many times how he doing, and if he is still playing his Bass Guitar. I sure wouldnt mind trying to play a few tunes with him someday. Our music tastes are way different that would pose an issue. BUt I am sure we could find something common ground to play on. I also hope he doesnt try to show his affeection through work and money. I know for a fact that it doesnt work that way. You can buy all the stuff in the world but that isnt going to keep anyone around. BUt I do think I taught better than that to all the kids. THough my actions showed other wise, and, actions are the best teachers sometimes. For that I would go back and change some things to prove that family is more important than working all the time. It took me forever to find that and I hope it doenst take him as long, if he ever loses it, I pray he doesnt. 

Well folks I am off to get my shower and relax for a bit. I once again ate way to damn much for dinner and its awful. I am going to be wokring hard to stop eating so damn much. But the food I cook is just to darn good to eat just one bite, or plate. I hope you all have a great evening

Love Candi

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