14 May Journal

Good Morning folks its sunday. Most importantly it is mothers day today. Be sure that you send your mother a Mothers Day wish! It shouldnt be neglected regardless of your relationship to your mother or mom figure. For many people you had a wonderful mother, though not realised until you were away from home. For others, your mom may nothave been anything worth speaking of, however she did provide life to you and with out her you wouldnt exist. This mothers day I look at mothers day from a totally different perspective than years past. Past years were Testosterone Driven and though I have always revered the abilities of Mother, mom or what ever, with out them life wouldnt exisit at all. Today I am Estrogen driven and sent what I hope to be a heartfelt more open note via email to my mother, actually my MOM! I also will most likely not get a response from her. My transistion has left her in total silence for any attempts to have any conversation. BUt I will keep trying and trying until she or me has passed from this earth. She is my mom and will not ever be forgotten.

Yesterday I had a meeting at the American Legion which I am a member. I was a bit taken by what I recieved from the ladies auxillary.  Still I am not sure how to accept this, but, I was given mothers day gifts by the president of the Auxillary. THough I do have kids, I am not a mother, nor am i a genetic female to have been able to give birth to a living child. My dad once told me that, in regards to my grand mother, she isnt your mother and you cant give a mothers day gift. I Was shocked and did not understand that but somehow it stuck with me and I had issues with my wife’s who are mothers, saying happy mothers day to them, because they are not my mother. I always felt that was wrong. However I did not wish to upset my dad so I never in anyform said that to my Wives and should have. Anyway, I almost said something yesterday about the fact that I do not deserve such honor as a mother. I did keep my mouth shut. I do not expect anything as a mother. Because i am not one, unless someone can convince me otherwise. I do know that to fit in and be a female, I will have to learn to accept things and say thank you for anyhting recieved, otherwise keeping my mouth shut. 

Next on my sunday morning ramblings is dating, which i have yet to have. The guys that are interested in my are at least 15-30 years younger than myself. That is either dis-heartening or flattering I am not sure which way to go on that. So on top of the great age difference, the distance is great as well. I honestly do not want to date a person that is the same age as my kids. I also know that guys of that age are only in one brain power typically, Their lower brain. I am not sure I want a brainless child to be a lover, or what ever you want to call it. I have raised and will always raise my kids. Until I am dead my kids are most important. I will do what I can for them. What I do need is someone who will do that for me. No I am not willing to be a kid to anyone, I am smart and independent, but I would like to share my life with someone. Someone who wants to share the fact that I am a parent, and realise i have kids, though they are grown, and the fact I need to see them everyonce in a while. At least once a year. I would do the same in return as well. Thats what has to be done. 

Well FOlks I ahve rambled and tambled long enough today. No softball today and I still have one class left to take and chores to do. Then Hopefully I can have all that done rather quickly and have sometime to do something girly. Oh wait, those are girly things. LOL Maybe lay out for a few minutes. Have a great Day Folks

Love Candi

2 Comments Add yours

  1. “their lower brain” lol! too funny and true. it’s good you’re putting yourself out there, though, candice. i’m happy for that. and i love love LOVE your profile pic. Don’t worry, just be patient and you’ll find the one. also, there is something quite nurturing and caring about how you interact with people, at least in wordpress world. i think maybe that’s why you were gifted with a mother’s day present. i’m glad you accepted it however awkward it felt. also, i hope you had a happy mother’s day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. candicejune says:

      Thanks Cheeky, YEah I interact with most folks as anyone else would hope to be treated. I am in no hurry to get any relationship. HOnestly though I do speak on it, I see it as if its meant to be then it will happen, if not so be it. It does get lonely but I can get though it. THanks for your words today though, that means a lot.


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