12 & 13 May journal

Good morning folks it’s Friday. Thus i think it’s Friday. It’s been one of those weeks and hopefully the closing will be much better than the rest of it. I’ve got training to do this weekend on line. I really do not want to be in front of the computer all weekend. I should have done this last weekend and have to be done with it by Monday. So I’ll not be going or doing much of anything outside of the house this weekend.
I definitely need to find a better way to deal with stress rather than quitting. Running away doesn’t solve anything. I should know that. I did it for over forty years, took care of that and now I’m running away from something else. Thinking you’re not strong enough for things is rather stupid. Many times w we find that quittjng or running away brings about more troubles than it’s worth.

IT is now Saturday morning. I am up and ready for coffee and need to then get on to the next training class for work. I have a total of six to do by tuesday, have two done, and really I do not want to spend my off time doing stupid crap like this. One of the managers I do not even work for sent a mass email out stating it was due yesterday. I was like (i didnt reply this either) I do not work for you, and two it is not due until 16 May. So yes I have this weekend to get it done. I can one this morning and one tonight, another in the morning and then again finish to tomorrow evening. And still be done before the tuesday deadline. He is what i call a bully type of manager. The last time we had a course to take on line, he was sending the ops manager to the shop to be sure I did it. I was hounded like every hour where I was on the class. Sadly, I do not work “for” operations. I work for maintenance. We are to work together. I also have units to keep people on so that ops can do their job. I cannot just stop wht I need to do just please some bully. I will get what is required done. However, during the normal course of the day, I have to keep things running. Period. That dude can kiss my back side and make it plesaureable. 

Back to what I was rambling on yesterday, I am no longer “him” I am her, Candice, and I am not going to be the quiter I once was. Although I can still do the work required for the most part, I am no longer able to handle the heavier items that require me to lift by hand certain things. I also have to remember that the negative thoughts that are inherently “his” have to go away because I am not “him” but now HER! Now that I am rather distracted I have lost what I am trying to say in the manner that I was attempting to day it. I do think the point got across. However, lastly, if I am to move forward I have to remove myself from the “him” and leave “him” behind, I am her now, usually I am always her. I usually do not have the thoughts of failing that i once had. But on occasion the things hit me and that seems like the option out. Usually it is not the best option, more so I need to fight to be where I need to be and move forward to be there. I know I cannot do that if I continue to keep the thought of a person who only wanted destruction and death. Those are not the way to anything.

Well folks, I do have to get started on this online crap for work. THen I have a meeting today at 11 so I need to get my act a moving. Hope you all have a great day and I am going to do everything I can to do just that myself

TTFN
Love Candi

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