11 May Journal

Good MOrning Folks it is thursday. IT is thindering like crazy out and only started since I woke up at 0215. Yes I got up early because I have to much in my head and couldnt sleep anymore. The Storms that are coming in are not supposed to be here til this evening and yet here they are. I failed to cover my motorcycle last night. SO when The thinder started I had to rush and get that done. 

Todays issues and post are brought to you by the one thing that no one needs, stress. I had to finally come to the conclusion that I am not a supervisor. Though some folks think I am, I am not. I cannot deal with the stress of the manager duties. Yes I can lead a shop from the shop, but not from an office. THat means that a shop lead person rather than the actual supervisor. I am capable of doing the work required in one facet or the other, meaning this; I can do either the office work, or the shop floor work, but getting both to mesh together and guid people from the inside of an office i have not been able to do. Partly because I spent my entire life on the shop floor doing. I know what time should be spent on each job and cannot fathom why it takes some folks so long to do certain jobs that only require x amount of time and yet they are using the time of the entire alphabet. I do not mind taking care of my own shit. I can do that. BUt if all I do is sit in an office all day I start going crazy. That is what has been happening. I am more of a person that does things, moves around and stays active on what needs to be done, not sit in an office and try to get non-conforming folks to conform. That is where I am, as I spoke to my supervisor yesterday, he did not want to hear this from me. I was told to think on it last night, and reconverse on the issue again today. My other issue is the pay along with the fact that I see an issue, I feel i have to and i usually end up doing what needs to be done to take care of what is required to fix what ever it is that needs regardless where that problem is. I cannot stand to just sit and stare at a computer screen all day long the way I have either. Just not who I am. Then the pay, its salary, so gues what? I do not make enough to pay bills and buy groceries and fuel to get back and forth from work. THere is no oevertime pay to a person in the salary department. With only one income to my house I cannot even afford to turn the air conditioner on. That would drive the cost of the electricity up more than it is and I definately would not be in the light or be able to cook. So I need a way to get extra pay, and with the stress of everything that needs done at work on a normal daily basis, I just do not have the mental state to take on even a part time job as anything. I have also thouhgt on reinventing myself to something else. I have yet to firgure out what that is. So it is possible that I am not meant to work as a mechanic person anymore and will have to explore where I can go with little fuss and with the knowledge I already have. I feel being a trans female will be an issue getting a job that is of any consequence to pay bills correctly. 

Well folks, it is almost 4 am. I have to get busy getting ready for work. I hope you all have a great day and things go good for you all. 

Love Candi

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