26 April journal

Good morning folks it’s hump day. What a ride this week has been. I was so tired yesterday that when i got home, i ate some pork and beans with hotdogs cut up in it and then ended up being passed out on the couch fur two hours. Picked up my room mate and pretty much passed out again for the rest of the night.

I been doing some searching for guys to date. Boy let me tell ya, they are rather crude with their hook up lines and picks. There’s a few that are worth attempting to speak to. But holy smokes, I’ve not looked for much in years and years, now that i’m hormones, wow! Just plain appalling to see what i see. Some just have ding dong picks, others nothing, some a decent picture of the face. Many just thinking with their junk is a big turn off. Maybe that’s i need, wham bam thank you ma’am sex. But I’m not that way. I need to know you some before i go jumping in a bed with you.
So the next question is, do girls Chase after boys these days or should we be sitting around la la waiting for a decent guy to pop up? I’m not really in no big hurry for anything honestly. I’ve got my hitachi and it doesn’t talk back and doesn’t quit. So it’s no really big deal. However, some one to take me to dinner or the jazz club or something would be nice. I just don’t think that’s in the works. Which is fine i suppose, but is a bit disheartening. I also know the one thing i need to do, be myself and get me straight first. I’ve got alot of learning to do about me and what the world expects from a female. Being trans is a put off to. Some how these guys seem to think that trans and crossdressers are the same. Sorry guys we aren’t. If you think our junk just gets hard on a whim, you’re sadly mistaken. Most of us, though not all, that are on hrt, do not have a working penis. Well, at least not the way it used to. And then how we were touched and pleasured as a male is not a turn on and not pleasureable anymore. Softer touches to get us going, and a connection is what is all about now days, at least for me. I’m sure other trans women will agree, even genetic women too.

So now that I’m at work and have forgotten wherei was in my talk here, guess I’ll move on to something else. tonight is Dutch oven pork chops. I’ve done them before, but I’m doing a tad bit differently. 

Thursday morning, good morning all. The pork chops didn’t turn out as well as I’ve done before. So that’s not going to be the way to go with them in the future. 

It seems here lately, Everytime i turn around there’s a reason to cry. A post from mistress that I read this morning, and s few other things just got me to crying. Last night i laughed so hard that I was crying. sadlyi guess from what I read, along with some silence, mistress is moving on. she’s not been very talkative lately, at least to me. we do talk on the phone some. And I guess we have drifted apart. Love is still there but, we obviously aren’t compatible anymore.  

Well folks, I’ve been absent minded about writing lately. I get started ona post, and then get busy. Where I had time in the afternoon and evenings to write, with the needy roommate, my time is completely eaten up. I been getting down as well becausei cannot get the much needed rest thati was getting before saying i would help her. A two week gig is now 6 weeks and I’ve told her she’s gotta go. The lack of rest, extra fuel expenses, mentally going crazy is not for me. It’s left me rather stressed and everything. Hell I’ve not even had time to shave my legs, or much of anything else for that matter. Just go go go all the time from three in the morning till I pass out  the evening between 730-900. I am usually in bed by seven. So yes I’m pretty well done. 

I gotta get back on my daily stuff and work through the day. Hope you all havea great day. 


Love Candi

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