14 April Journal

Good Friay Morning Folks, Its Friday. Today is mental health day #2 for me. Yesterday wasnt as mental healthy as I would have liked for it to be. Though I did manage to have time off, everything went late, well, Besides Me. I was early for my first appointment then waited and and waited. I thought they forgot me. Then as it was later than I thought, was almost late for the second appointment. BUt I got through it and it was a decent day regardless.

So I was looking at some pictures of a friend on FB and decided to check on my sister. Turns out that she has blocked me and my wife. My mom unfriended my wife, and hasnt responded to my ex about her travel to DFW with hopes to at least see them for a few minutes. I guess I am just going to have to move on and not worry about them the way I have. Who am I kidding? I will always worry about them. That just stinks that they are punishing friends and family over me. i feel this is rather childish bs. What I’ve got going on in my transition is not directly affected by them. My wife is directly affected, that i understand 100%. My parents and siblings not so much so. Yes they are affected by appearance and name/pronoun change, other than that no. 

I’ve been disownedโ€‹ by my family o once before. This is not new territory for me. What I’ve decided this time, unlike the last time almost thirty years ago, is that i need to be me. Live for and because of me and no one else. I been holding on to pieces of my male self. Doing this in attempts to, if needed, be him. I’ve the last few months I’ve also ran into the the issue, that i now male fail. My entire being has changed enough that maleness is all but a memory. I did also decide to stop holding on to “him”. I need to move forward and stop looking back. Looking in the rearview constantly while driving causes wrecks. The same thing happens in life. I am not going to do that any more. Yes I will check that mirror, just to ensure I am safe in making a move while driving, but metaphorically, only to remember what I have had good and bad on occasion. Why? Because its still a part of who I am. But I am not going to live because of my past. I am going to live for my future. If someone pops into my life and wishes to be part of it equally and with eachother, there may be a chance. BUt I am not holding my breath to anyone or anything excpet me. 

I have got to get busy and get my stuff for today done. Mostly around the house. I hope you all have a great and wonderful day.

TTFN
Love Candi

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Selina says:

    It’s not fair for them to do that but I admire your grace in handling the situation as well as the review driving anology….you are truly a classy Lady Miss Candi

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Selina says:

    It’s not fair for them to do that but I admire your grace in handling the situation as well as the review driving anology….you are truly a classy Lady Miss Candi ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

    1. candicejune says:

      Awwee thanks sweetie

      Liked by 1 person

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