24 March Jounal

Good MOrning Folks its Friday, Stand by for news. Well it is the finally here, a new life ahead and that means living today and not yesterday. I did speak on the decision Mistress made. She still wants me but cannot be, if that makes sense. She just doesnt like the idea of a “lesbian” relationship. I hope I can maintain myself while I miss her so much and the idea of being alone is a bit frightful. I am sure can do it and all, but I a worried about us both.

So I also had the appoinment at my Therapist yesterday. We spoke on dealing with feelings and closures, and moving forward. Which I do need to move forward and let the past go.I spent much of the last three weeks trying to move forward, then was chastised for it by not being “sad” enough, or sympathetic or empathetic. I am not sure what I was supposed to be so I thought that she wanted to be with me. So I got all dumpy and worked on the foundation deep down in the bottom of the hole, hoping that the building blocks would include her. Yet I found that including her also came at a stressed out cost. After wednesday night when she came out with the need to be alone, I went to bed finally and woke up as usual yesterday. Whike drinking my coffee I noticed the physical pain of the stress was gone. The neck and shoulder pain that was so intense lately was no where to be found. 

I was at sofball practice last evening until almost nine. That makes 3 am come awful early and I am so tired its not even funny. I am having a hard time getting moving this morning due to that. Which why I usually do not go out on a week night. With my sleepiness today, I am most likely coming straight home from work and passing out. With the work phone ringing I probably dont see that happening. It is always the way it is.

Well peoples I have to get moving. Its going to be a long day. Hope all of you have a great day.

Love Candi

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