20 March Journal

Good MOnday morning everyone. I am not doing as well as I have led on to believe. My mornings are usually filled with tears or near tears. MIssing my Angel has been a tough thing to try and get used to. I cannot get used to it. I am so ready for this month to come to the back end so we can decide what we are doing. I know I miss her more than I ve led on.I know my love for her hasnt died, yet I try to seem happy and go lucky 95% of the time. I sent her a text this morning explaining the best I can that I miss her and how hurt I am. The hurt caused me to say things that hurt her that may never be forgiven. I sure hope she can find nit in her to do so and return home so we can get a fresh new start on our lives together. I hate waking up without her here. 

It is supposed to be the first day of spring, at I think they said 545 this morning. I am not looking forward to it as I feel stuck in the depths of winter in my mind. We did have softball Practice yesterday. IT was a tad cool and was a wonderful cloudy day. I was with Mistress playing softball. She was trying to get her groove of pitching back while I stand around in the out field wishing the grass was green. The occasional ball hit to the out field takes my mind off of watching mistress as she plays, she is so cute and beautiful. So my mind wonders around of us doing us things because we want to. Throwing the ball has left me sore in places, my hand, shoulder and neck mostly. I am way out of shape as I have sat in a chair at work since november, not doing much of anything to stay in shape. MIstress got hit in the foot with ball as it got batted back straight at her on the ground and she barely got her foot moved. I hope she is ok. She was already hurting when we finished practice.

After a week of not having operations going, I know we are going to have a morning of crap start ups. Where I am is at home being a supervisor. To let the guys deal with it. I shouldnt have to be involved in a way of what I used to be. I have been told that so many times by my supervisor. So I am home typing this crazy post of tearful heartache. I have even taken to wearing my female street clothes to work. This way I can stay out of the shop more and stay focused on what I need to be focused on.

Well Folks, I do need to end this post. I know it wasnt as happy as I would like. But I needed to get a couple things off my shoulders. The things on my chest I want to stay there, boobs, LOL. Anyways, it is the first day of spring, and lets try to get some spring happiness going. Spring love hopefully will grow. I hope You all have a great day. 
Love Candi

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