14 March journal

Good morning folks, it’s tuesday i do believe. Some howi have lost the days. Yes i know that sounds kinda stupid but it happens. I was so tired that last evening i passed out at six thirty pm. 

I have learned that I’m an emotional wreck wheni get tired. it really sucks honestly. So I’ve had to learn and am still​  learning to keep quiet when I’m tired. 

This morning was an emotional morning. i read an email  Mistress, and replied. Somehow i don’t stay in the dumps. But the email was about how much smothering she does and I replied that i wasnt doing it enough. I mentioned smothering in a post a while back. I know she wants me but can she accept me? Can she accept the social box she will be placed in, lesbianism? That is really the tie breaker. For us we both been married two other times. Sh has been cheated twice and now three times in the love department it seems. That is what brings the issues I think. THere is much insecurity there. I do somewhat understand it. Though I can seem to be secure in myself and yet wish to have her here as well. But that doesnt help her. Lack of any intimacy doenst help matters for either of us.

I learned something the other day. I been having women come up to me, tell me how beautiful i am. i thought this was a failure, as i had  read women don’t​do that on a crossdresser website a few years ago. So i get all nervous and all when they do that. Recently it was on Saturday at the Walmart. I tolda friend about that she said the contrary, women do that all the time. She went on to tell me that if I’m getting that kind of action from unknown people, well you’re passing really good. Which she said i have been for some time now and couldn’t fathom why i thought different. But ya know we are always so critical of ourselves. 

I spent the afternoon with a friend and her spouse. THey both told me like above that I shouldnt be worried about anything. I pass very freaking well. That makes me feel a tad bit better, more than a tad actually.

Well its a tad bit late for me. Going on to eight pm. It is really going on bed time. Mistress is bowling, and I hasve not got her to speak to at the moment. Hope you all have a great evening.

Love Candi

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