13 March journal.

Good lord this crazy tablet will not save my posts so I get to start all over again.

Good afternoon folks its monday, and ITS FREAKING COLD again. I wont go back all into what has happened but yesterday was sunny and great and the snow was pretty. TOday Cloudy and rain mix with snow.

Yesterday was another break down day for me. I had on the Iheart radio thing and was cleaning some and then cooking lasagna. I was just sat down and eating lasagna, which was not bad for my first attempt at it, only to have a song come on and create a tearful crying into the lasagna on my plate. The song was a song my mother told me she had laid aside for me. All us kids have a song in moms heart that is for us. I have heard and listened to the song for as long as I can remember. “simple Man” Lynyrd Skynyrd. YEs I got to living to fast, yes I found a woman and I found love, 4 times now to be honest. My truest love is my current wife, but the woman I found was my self. I did finally follow my heart and found myself, by doing that I found love. But what I lost was my mom and that hurts more than I led on. I cannot share my feelings with her anylonger. I have also lost my wife, my love, and bestest friend too. I may not be the simple man mom wanted me to be. I had way to much complexity to be a simple man. I am not even sure as a woman I can be so simple either. I am attempting to be though. I am learning to have balance in my life. But to get there it is taking some unbalance, and quite a few tears and loss to get it. 

Speaking of balance, i spoke to my daughter yesterday. It seems she has learned at her younger age to have some balance. She has already experienced the thing no one wants to live with, the death of a child. Though it was years ago, she did experience it. She does now have a child, he is three and doing really good. I am proud of my daughter. She learned what I couldnt until now in my life. 

Anyways I am off to get my bath. CLean up and go to bed, but before i do, I will tell you why i am worn out. I went with some friends to a club last night. The Memphis Jazz Orchestra played there, as they do every sunday from 6-9 pm. I was wonderfully excited and it was really cool and fun for me. I would go every Sunday if i could afford to pay to park. I will figure out how I am going to get there some how.

Anyways folks, HAve a great evening!!!!!

Love Candi

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