4 March journal

Good morning folks, it’s Saturday. Yippy! Well sort of yippy lol. I’m hurting everywhere. I spent 10 hours on the floor fixing crap yesterday. When i finally got homei barely could move. This morning is better after 12 hours passed out. I neverd sleep12 hours. I didn’t eat anything till i got home. I didn’t d drink anything all day either so I was good about not going potty, though that came with a cost. Dehydration, sore muscles and dizziness.

So I think I have learned a lesson, I am not a man anymore. My womans body just isnt what my mans body used to be. Yet I still have the knowledge, and the ability to do the work, I cannot keep it for what I thought I could. I have to stop and move a bit slower and work smarter not to hurt myself. I also learned something else, hopefully I remember this most important lesson, I am the supervisor, THere is no reason I should have to do the things I was doing yesterday. However, The Memphis Mentality is this; “give me because I deserve it, I dont have to move like I got a purpose, becasue someone will come do it for me.” Well I was told in my breakdown last night, that I needed to get the fire in these peoples asses some how. Even if it means writeups. I was told also to be the bitch I need to be. IN all this sadly, this woman out worked 4 men, and assisted them in the issues they had too. My supervisor duties went untouched, so I am having to deal with those items today the best I can. But I am not fretting oiver it to much honestly. Poor planning on these peoples part isnt my fault, and in no way should I be in emergency mode all the time because of it.

As far as mistress and i go, well, we both have a lot left to learn about eachother and ourselves yet.Six days isnt going to fix or wake us up to anything. We really need to spend some time to ourselves alone and make some heart felt and needed decicsions. Wanted decisions arent the always the correct ones. I know that oh so well as I wanted to hide myself from the world inside a mans body just to fit in. In doing so I almost destroyed my own life in so many ways, I hurt so many people around me and wasnt the greatest parent in the world. So now I have to let go of all that hurting I have had for 40+ years. The memories will always be there, the love for folks i have had in my life will be there forever. And I hope what ever happens in the future, Mistress Knows That I will love her the most till the end of my spirit. Even we canot make it together anymore. I do want her to be part of my life in more ways than one. But SHe is and always will be the best friend I have. 

Well I have to get back on what I had to do today. I have so much to do personally that I am not sure I will get it all done. Guess what though? I am not going to kill myself doing it. I am going to make some me time today, tomorrow and the rest of my life. Hope you all have a great day!!!

TTFN
Love Candi

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