Well many of you know I have been and still am in the midst of Transitioning. As my earlier post stated, I Am under a lot of STRESS>
My wife told me I have not yet let go of “him”. Another person stated that I am self destructing because I feel guilty about finally being happy. Both are probably correct. Though I didnt feel that guilty until the stress just really started taking its toll. I looked at my self last night and only saw, even with my make up and the physical changes, a male of Herman Munster variety. The weight of the world laying on me once again. It has taken its toll again. Everything is in agony. My heart and mind, my joints, muscles and my entire being. Am I still fighting myself? I didnt think so, but ya never know sometimes as we, especially me get so good at covering up our pain that it just takes a good hold on you.
Mentally i have tried to keep a partial piece of my male self available for defense reasons. But in the light of recent hearsay and the fact that said hearsay has been experienced first hand, he is gone too many folks. And now, I’m getting the typical female treatment by male Co workers. Pushing to find out if these new, yet always been there never enforced rules are going tob be held up to. And yes I’m placing their feet on the fire. If i gotta be held to standard, then by golly gee, so are they. It’s not new stuff, they know it. So just do it and get what you need quicker and less hassle. But no, lets pick on the girl and make her mad and fail. Let’s get her out of here so we don’t have to have a freak in our mists. Sorry folks, Candice is here, she ain’t the push over like you thought.
But yes mentally I’ve been holding ona bit much to him. It’s time i let go of the rest of what I’m holding to and let the full girl out. Piss on alpha male bs. These supposedly alpha males don’t have my mechanical knowledge. I’m not going to give it to them. The bitch is gonna roar and bite of you fuck with her, that’s me. Here come the bear totem Candice, look out people, i ain’t bull shooting no more. Male me yes was very smart at some things and yet still a push over on other things, Candice is another story. As one guy finally learned today.
So it’s now Thursday and I’m home. I made many decisions yesrtday and today put them to use. I started this post yesterday. And had to place one of my employees into the correction one more time. I will not be called by his name again. There are exceptions. As i told someone today in a conversation i not related to me other than i was involved. I was called by his name and promptly corrected it. I stated my name is Candice please address me as such. He is gone. The guy got a perterbed look and all, but we kept our conversation. Which leads me to the next item. Our daily conference call, a question was asked of him, obviously he didnt answer. I didnt answer either. Supposedly my boss is to be talking to these folks.
In the people I’ve talked to about this, they say its a lack of respect. They should at least address me by my name. Not by somebitch, or he or him or his name. Basically i was told they need to grow up and get over it. Out of nine folks only three are being asses so the odds are on my side. Not to mention the peers i have laterally and upper are supportive. So I don’t know why the two or three asses cannot will not and wont be atleast respectful. So I’m giving till the end of march, which will be 4 months of being legally Candice. IF the folks are not being at a minimum respectful, I will go to HR. I have spoken to my boss and will wait to see if a change comes. AFter which, I am going to speak to the HR department.
Thats all folks, I am done rambling about this damn problem. I so tired of talking about work that it isnt funny like i said bfore. Anyways, I Am moving forward and not allowing it to consume me. I am Candice June, and guess what folks, Love me, hate me, or walk away. Hear me ROAR>>>>>>LOL