7 February Journal

Good afternoon folks, I am finally home today. ITs going on 5 pm. and I am BUshed out of energy. Yesterday full of complete work failures. Today wasnt much better but it really was in so many other ways. it gets me to thinking about a lot of things. I will touch on a few of them, yet some I will not touch at all.

Sunday, the stuporbowl party for me was short lived. I just got to where i didnt feel good. Not to mention I was awake at 345 that morning. IT was fun but the depression set in about other things and I just didnt really want to be there. As is usual, in Candi fashion I made my exit with Mistress in tow. We got home, got ourselves cleaned up and then we were both all but passed out on the couch. Off to bed we both went. 

Yesterday, was a crap starting by the fact i had to get out of bed. It was monday and I ust flat didnt want to do anything but crawl into a hole and die. Maybe I would have been better off if I had. As i got to work and the day progressed the depression turned into anger at the POND WATER movements of the folks in the shop. By the mid day when certain things had gotten worse I asked a question of my worst employee. The response was “Thats not my job.” Ok dude, its time for your temporary agent ass to find a new place to work. Which led to other issues today in that matter. I found out that since we werent keeping track of the time, he was cheating us by working 80+ hours a week. Well he wasnt actually working 80+ hours. Thats all but physically impossible. I have done the math 100% but a 5 day work week leads to 16 hours a day. What a flipping liar this dude was. THen today this guy confronted me about the loss of the job. Now I ve been called every name a person of what ever persuasion could be called in my life. Though I have never been called them all at the same time. LOL… I guess he has real high standards of himself. Sadly he isnt a smart person, the state Trooper was in and caught parts of it. Trooper had no problem taking his ass off the property. But the idiot left before I could get that to happen. I dont believe, this is over yet. But the stealing of time, thats an issue that will not be forgiven by me nor my boss.

So by the time my day was over yesterday was over i had terminated a person, got pissed about the number of failures, and wasnt home until after 6PM, just to start it over again at 3 thismorning. So today I am feeling much better. A normal morning with a bit sleepy yest better attitude i got my self ready slowly. I decided last week I am in no hurry to get to work. I am going to enjoy my coffee and me time in the mornings at all costs. SO I go to leave to work and find a wonderful note on top of my lunch tub. I am keeping that wonderful note in my wallet. No matter the case of what may happen for the future, that note will stay with me for the rest of my life. I found this note, and nearly lost my composure. I had to stop and clear up my face. I got the note all folded a certain way and placed it so neatly in my wallet.With that I knew that nothing that happened today would deter my great life. Its great for a whole lot of reasons. IT sucks for a few, but just a whole lot of reasons it is great. it only takes one though. 

Fortunately some of my failures are taken care of. Today was better, today I did stuff i shouldnt have to in my new position, but i did them because if i get the employees for moving like pod water, then by golly I am going to show them up. WHen a a chick out works them, it really gets under the skin of some “men”. So this Amaonian Bitch a taking no male BS from anyone. Yet I am still me, I play the guitar and havnt in a good while, I fix things, I make things, I cook, I clean, i go camping and fishing when time allows, I am still me just a so much happier version if such. NO Person is going to stop it. Like a Steam Locomotive, the steam will get the train moving, and keep it going. Like freight trains with no brakes its not going to stop.But there is a more important issue that is like a U.P. Bigboy steam locomotive. The love I have and carry for my wife. IT cant, wont and will not stop for no reason even afte the vessel here is gone. Love for her will be existant even in the Happy Hunting Grounds and I hope i find her there. I hope we stay togethe that long. It took this person, what ever i am, to damn long to give up on her now. THis is well worth fighting for. Maybe more than my transition has been. I realize that in all this I have left her behind in many ways. I am not perfect, niether is she. BUt I will say with all the flaws and sometimes finding something you shouldnt, those flaws dont mean a damn thing when it comes down to it. The one thing that means the most of all that, we are together, we love eachother and everything and anything is possible when we are together. So as I write this and reflect on the crappy ways i have treated her, and have become a sniffling ball of tears trying to see the screen to write this, I know that her love is all that matters. I know she loves me to know end. And I will do what I can possibly do to keep her, protect her, cherish her, and support her. Thats really all i can say on it. My happiness depends on my vows to her 13 years ago. Hopefully hers to me also, but that doesnt matter so long as i do my part in this. Because for once, till death do us part I truly meant. Hell, death isnt the end of my love for her. It means i can be with her more than not. Lately our jobs have us so damn busy that we rarely get to spend the needed time together. We desparately need that time.

Well folks I need to get ready for my bed time. which is really close to being here. I hope you all have a great evening. Since my phone and WP Arent getting along, my posts are having to wait til the end of the day. 

Love Candice

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