5 February Journal

Good sunday morning Folks, The sun is shining after a semi wet evening. However that may be short lived per what the weatherman says. I was up at 0345 this morning and did work stuff utul about 7. I ahve since turned it off. I have went on to clean what was left of last nights dinner in the kitchen, start laundry eat breakfast and get a shower. I am attempting to stay busy to occupy my mind and not dwell on things. 

I have kept trying to find a future with out my wife. I still just cannot see it. I feel that some form of death is best for me at this time. I can say that two previous marriages I have never felt like this. I could see a future with them. This time is so much different. I still dwell on the love of two people, not the societal norms that are destroying the love we have. I worried, yet hoped prayed and looked at the future, seeing us together through thick and thin. Seeing us though this together, always and forever together, unlike any other words of empty speech. That now has been ripped away by the by the box of societal norms, which, is apparently way stronger than the love I have for her or hers for me. I always thought love was about two people and two hearts. Not so much about the vessle in which carried it. So I Will attempt to find a way to move forward in all this and try with all my might to not let it destroy me. Though it is close to doing just that as it stands and she hasnt left the house on to her own place as of yet. Until he does leave, I know I will love her as I always have. I will attempt to prove it more and more physically some how. Maybe the madness will go away. 

So We are going to an event together this afternoon. A superbowl event with other couple like us. SO far only one person knows of the impending doom in our house. We will be happy and go lucky in the facade. We are making mexican stuff to take. Enchiladas by Mistress and Meaty Cheese dip by Candi. I have found a recipe tht doesnt use “Velveeta” cheese and that was a beginning to my dip. SO I will be busy to do it here shortly. 

Any Who’s, I guess I am about to get busy getting dressed and start my cheesey dip. Hope you all have a great day. 

Love Candi

2 Comments Add yours

  1. georgiakevin says:

    Oh Candi, my heart is truly breaking for you. i just wish there was something i could say/write that would make you feel even a little better. i am soo sorry.


  2. Calie says:

    I’m all about love, marriage and family. I’m also someone who should have transitioned long ago. I live with it for the reasons in my first sentence. I manage it with diet, exercise, keeping myself very busy with work and public service, T-Central, spending time with trans friends, reading books written exclusively by female authors. It goes on and on, but I manage “it” because of a strong bond between me and my wife.

    Please write me if you feel the need to discuss, Candi.


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