4 Februray Journal

Good saturday morning Folks. ITs well below feezing here again. and for some reason its below freezing in more ways that one. I am not sure what is going on but my heart feels a bit empty. I am fearful of what ever the future may bring and am worried. I am not sure of the fate of my comany here in memphis. There is so much strife about things. Everyone seems to be entitled to something for nothing. And yet the city leaders and others wonder why the city streets and infrastructure is failing. They have no money to spend on what is needed ans the number of “birds” feeding from the feeder hasve out numbered the supply. I am guessing my supply of visible maleness has all but left as well. Not to mention my supply of give a shit is really starting to be eaten up as well. There isnt much left of it and it wont take much for me to lose myself.So I fear becoming a recluse due to lack of what I need and the issues that are becoming to hard to fight anymore. Like VietNam, I am fighting a losing fight on many fronts. Laughter is now dwindling, about all used up, and all I see is dark and sleeping. That realy isnt the way i need to deal with these issues and not to mention, I most likely will fight on to win at least for myself conscience to be able to say I gave it my best.

So work has me doing more and more and more and more…… I went to bed last night at 8PM and got up right at 5am today. I am way behind on my WP Reading, and feel kinda bad that i have not kept up on a few things. Please know that I surely didnt mean to not post myself or keep up with m friends here. I have scrolled here and there and read a thing or two. However, between here and facebook I keep seeing nothing but the hate of people like me, the hate of the president, and the hate the world has everywhere about everything. My poor mind just cannot deal with the hate I see every sinlge day in all the media i see so I disconnected from it. Yet all I have is sadness to write about, even that is old too. So for two days this week I didnt post anything. I one didnt have time and two just didnt feel like being all sad and negative. I am usually more postitive. 

So,,,,,,ON the bright side, I went to the bank yesterday to get the rent check. As I enterd the outer doors, a man exited the inner doors being preoccupied. He looked up as he was exiting the left door (my door) and not the right door. He felt he was in the way and and said “I a sorry Ma’am”. I replied its ok and we went on our merry ways. I was in hog heaven. I almost left my wallet at the teller counter. So I wonder now, the looks i get from men, if they are because I am that cute? Most of the fellows i see are not the types I wish to spend time with. They just have that aura about them. BUt maybe just maybe, they are sweet as strawberry wine under that hard tough look. I still just havnt pursued any reltionships on the male variety, or even the female variety. Other than friends in the female department, I just have not gone out to strut my stuff and see what may land at my feet. Actually, the only male person I have physically met face to face, the security fellow at the Grocery. He is sweet and kind and always asks how I am doing. He’s not the greatest looking person. Kinda dopey looking actually. But that is really the only person any attraction is there. I dont ever see myself with anyone in that capacity.

well folks, I have a kitchen to clean.. a house to straighten up and sweep and mop. A womans chores are never done. Then I have to decide what I am going to take to the SB party tomorrow and go grocery shopping. Life doesnt stop due to sadness and depression. And doing something besides work stuff may be a thing I need. So Have a great day everyone. 

Love Candi

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