29 January Journal

Good Morning Folks, Its  sunday. Last night was a crap night for me. Sorry about the rambling of nothingness that just came out. Face book was boring, pinterest and the internet was of no interest either. So I just sat here and started writing something. Just to get somethings out of my head. Then a few glasses of wine later, I was passed out. I think it was around 8 when I went to bed and managed to pretty much stay there unitl about 6. How about them apples. I dont need to be placing my troubles onto everyone, and when i am sleepy, I tend to do just that. Which can be a catastrophy if i dont learn to control it. 

So as I wake up this morning I see nothing but bad stuff in the news, a mass shooting in a small town not far from here for starters. Then the airports stopping people from coming into the country. I still have mixed feelings about the ideas floating in the current presidents head. There are some good and bad to every thing he has done at this point. But coming in like  lion on the prowl and attacking fast and furious is probably not the best way to go on things. I was unaware of the orders not needing a congress approval. I do know there are certain things that do not require congress. So I am watching and keeping up somewhat to be sure i am not in a group of folks that president wants to destroy. 

So I did make some measurements yesterday of my body. Bust = 44.5″ waist= 36-38″ depending on if I have eaten or not, Hips = 44″. I am about 190-195 pounds. This from May, the bust=42″ waist=39+” hips=41″ and 235-240 pounds. Yes I have lost weight, the fat is redepositing, and with all this, my cholestoral and heart rate and BP are at or a little below what is normal and healthy. I was hypertensive, BP and cholestoral through the roof. I do believe that I am having the similar issues of any female, over reacting to ccertain things. As the logic of certain things is falling off and the emotional is taking over I get bent out of shape in my head over little stuff. IF I dont talk about them I get really sad and depressed. But I hate always talking about what bothers me. I find some things really cute and lovely, other things are appalling. Many of the women I know get a tad or even more so, Jealous. One of the ladies I speak to on a semi regular basis tells me that she feels I look better than she does. I replied thanks but I dont see it many times. She was inquisitive on why. I told her about certain features I see in myself. The eyebrow ridge, chin, and stuff that are obvious male traits. She didnt quite understand it even as i stood in front of her and stated these things while wearing make up. She is excited at the fact that i have gotten to look so good from what she met me as. Same with many of the other women I know and that have seen me from time to time. These women are all work mates in some way shape or form.I am rather glad I didnt win any award(s) on Friday night. Due to I just didnt feel good mentally and surely didnt want to be in front of 600+ people on a stage. Friday is over and I should not be reflecting on that day. So in my forward motion I will try to look forward to good stuff. Find the happy things and stop fretting over the bad or potential bad. That is my intents anyway, and will do everything I can to stop myself from letting others dictate how I should be. I know I am better than what I feel manytimes.

I have a shopping date today with a lady from work. We talked friday and yesterday about doing something to break the work cycle and get away. I am not sure that Mistress will be going yet. I did tell her last night about me going shopping with her. If nothing else we are window shopping. I cannot afford to buy a whole lot of, if, anything as the fuel consumption this past week and bills has me pretty strapped for funds to spend elsewhere. We will do just a day trip to the shopping areas in town and then call it a day. As we both have to work tomorrow anyway. BUt before noon I have to go get groceries for the week and get back. 

So I hope you all have a great day. I am sure going to try to do that myself. No wait, I am going to have a great day, PERIOD> Let happiness rule folks. 

Love Candi

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