Well Folks its wednesday night I think. I cam home early after going to the doctors office. and wound up working anyway because the whole world will not stop calling me. From the TIme i left to the time of about 1730, I have worked just as if not harder than if had I stayed at work.
Anyway, over the course of last night and today I have decided to let go. Sending a letter of explaination, or asking for an answer is not in the question anymore. I am not going to do it. IT just isnt worth the trouble of the pain to write or the reply provided there is one. Truth is, I shouldnt worry about this rejection. YEah I have been letting my family dictate a mindset of unhappiness. Letting them do that is my fault. I am a virgo after all and a protector in ways as the month of the bear. THe year of the dog also makes one loyal no matater what. THats been me to a fault. I said I was a failure, i dont truly think i am. Though at times I do feel like it. Ya know its the loss of the others not to want to know me. The “new” me that has become the person that everyone wants to hang with at least once. AM I perfect? Hell no, thats a road, not a destination. Will itry to be perfect? Yes usually. Could the world use more laughs, yes, and I am going to make sure it happens. If no place but my little corner the laughs and stuff are going to be there.
Letting go of the pain and sad hopes is all i can do. I do not owe anyone any explainations about me. I lived that terrible lie and really dont wish to live through it again and again and again. If you, them, they, he, she, mom, dad, or whom ever wants to be around me, accept me, and laugh great. IF not, well, that is the loss of those who choose that. I am no longer wishing to be in the dumps over such a thing. IT just isnt worth the trouble and tears.
So the loss I have to suffer isnt that bad actually. THe initial shock hurts, but as usual I get my wits back and move on. I am not going to stay on the ground laying, I am getting up to take the charge of the hill ahead. I have other things to worry about. I have work to get straight and myself to finish with and keep straight. Friends or not I move on, family or not I move on. So I let go of it all………until such a time that they choose to know me I will hope, but not dispair anymore, nor will i wait. I do plan, not expecting a thing, to send my birthday wishes and holiday greetings. Maybe I will see them again before the inevitable of life takes a hold on them. BUt I will move and be happy as humanly possible.
Have a great evening folks