18 January Journal

Good Morning folks its wednesday. THe perverbial hump day. If only i could get some hump action going LOL Oh well. HEHEHE

So I am still on the verge of nothingness to my family. I just fail to understand that I am such a bad person. I ernestly am planning on disappearing. Removing any facebook friends that get me close to seeing anything to deal with them. Thats Not the adult thing to do. I cannot find a way at this time to tell them how I feel. I am trying to find a way to move forward to the future of my life, with or with out them in my life. As hard as it is to move forward, I know I am going to have to. I may post this paragraph to facebook with no uncertain terms. I really dont need to air out my dirty laundry there. I only do it here as it is somewhat still a private matter. This is my journal and my life here on WP> On face book, well, That can start the greatest of crap. I dont know what to do actually, well, except cry until there is no tears left. Which I have been doing. Trying to keep my composure at work and everything. I have been hurt before when Mistress wanted to leave. THis is just about as bad as that. only a tad bit different in the fact I have not been given the knowlege of anything. The Midnight isnt even this quiet. You would think that a common courtesy of saying something one direction or another would come, but I get less than crickets in the night. The failure as i am calling it is what it is. The family isnt always what it is cracked up to be. I am sure that if had I killed someone i would have had less issues. And I would be getting way more rest.I should be getting on to better subjects here. Though right now, this is what is mattering the most in my life, this one final decision of being a failure if to no one but my self.

W well it’s now actually 445, I’m at work and shouldn’t be. But I’m here. I feel mentally better asi guess i just needed to cry my self to Betterness. like i said, i feel better. Now to clear up this silly cold or what ever it is. 

I started using gel eyeliner this weekend. It seems to be much better than the liquid in my opinion. I can geta better line and don’t have to worry about shaking and having jagged edges. The this morning, sick and not feeling too well, the eye liner still looks pretty good. I’m still learning how to use the gell and brush more, but, as is usual practice is the key. I’ve not worn work clothes all week. As I’ve been stuck in the office. I been noticing people looking at me about groin level here at work. It’s a mixed feeling thing as well. I’ve never been that well endowed and so hiding my junk is rather easy. Hell i have even been known to go out in spandex pants. That to me is the greatest of feelings. 

Well folks, I’m off to the races. I’ve got to try and get finished up with papers for today and get back on the ones from two years ago. Have a great day..

Ttfn

Love Candi

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