17 January Journal.

Good morning folks it’s tuesday. I’m thinking the sickness is about to get me. I have that feeling in my throat and just am not really up to snuff today. Sinus headache and all. To many hours at work no rest will do that to you. 

So now I’m at the therapist office to talk about what needs talked about. I’m behind as usual and getting hungry. I’ve been filing papers all day and doing what i gotta do. Now I’m just going to try and RELAX and let go for the rest of the day. 

So I’m trying to let Dr teal take me away, but I’m pretty sure I’ll only be left hot and wet. ​

So i lay as much asi can in the tub pondering my session with my therapist. As i knew, i will have to decide on my own to either continue to be miserable stressing over my folks or walk away. There is another option that we talked about. One that is more of the correct way. Do what I’ve been doing yet know, I’m not going to get a response. And be happy about it. We did talk about the idea of the letter being placed into the river and let the river wash and carry the letter and troubles away. We talked about revamping the letteri was going to send and send one less informative. Or none at all. No matter which way, I’ve got to let this go and be me. Because I’m back to living my life for or because of them. Which isn’t a healthy thing. No wonder I’m sick. Again…. I knew transitioning would be tough from the get go all those years ago. I guess I wasnt as ready for the rejection by family as I thought i was. Maybe male me was, but Candice sure isnt. She is an emotional sort of person. One who lets more things bother her than my male virgo self ever did. but as i sit and think, I find that male me was just as emotional just better at keeping it down longer. That keeping it down about killed me in more ways than one. I wonder where i would be now if had I transitioned sooner. PRobably better off in many ways and possibly worse off in others. You know everything happens a certain way for certain reasons. 

So now that I am hot and on the couch, I am ready to pass out. I gotta find the other Sinus and cold meds in the counter so I can just simply pass out and see about waking up in a better frame of body. Ive really got to get the spicy back into my diet. That has always helped keep the Flu and Colds away. 

Well I am off to ponder, and dope up for cold/flu fighting. I hope you all have a great evening.

TTFN
Love Candi

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