16 January journal

Good morning folks it’s Monday. Sorry to remind you. But it is what it is. Anyway it’sa foggy morning again here in Memphis. Go figure, rain in the forcast all week and warming temps. What can ya do? its winter in the South lol. 

So today is my mother’s birthday. I sent my birthday wishes as usual and do not expect a reply. Which will be expected now days. Though i refuse to be on the level of indecency as they have been so i did my duty as a child of hers. That’s all I can do. 

On to better things, like the packers win yesrtday. They came out with a bang and nearly lost it by the time it was over. I will give the qb and the rest of the rookie Dallas team a big kudos. They actually want to play ball. The first quarter wasa bit sketchy but they decided to play. The game was a mail biter till the end after the second quarter started. I hada feeling packers would lose and then was thinking that it would go into ot. But the last second field goalp put it away for them. I’m glad hopefully they will be moving on next week as well. 

I really do hope this week goes smoother than the last couple of weeks. This is getting rather old on the long hours and high stress. It’s left me rather drained andi sure am not liking it. Neither is my body. But now, 1800 in the evening I am home, had my laptop that was given to me to get on the intranet and do work from home. Not to mention I had to get home, not as fast as i needed, to get my work phone that i left here. So by the time i had gotten to it i spen the rest of the evening doing phone call returns. Lord dont let me forget them again. That is going to help a great deal when I need to get away and actually deal with the paper work for a while. I can get it done way faster in front of the TV than i can at work when everyone storms in wanting something.

So I had gotten myself under the dump train today. I let the fact that even now,  whole day later, my mother hasnt responded to my happy birthday. MY daughter sent her one and got a response almost immediately. That is when I lost my mind so to speak. I told  friend I would rather be told to leave them lone than to have this constant trying to get ignored with out even a simple  thank you. No returns in the following, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday. No thank you for the items i sent. THat is what is getting my dander up more than anything. I was yelled at as a child and even part of my early adulthood hood for forgetting birthdays and not saying thank you for certain things. Here the reverse is happening. And I guess I know how they felt those years I was an asshole. Now I wonder that am I so bad a person now that my words and jestures dont warrant a thank you? Is my “sin” that bad really?????? I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am now parentless in this world. I thought that maybe we would at least have a simple return in common courtesy. I am glad I am seeing my therapist tomorrow. I plan on taking my make up with me to clean up and be presentable. I know I am going to ball like a baby in the office. hopefully I can get it out and be done. Then I need to spend some time with the great spirit for guidance. The weather has not allowed me the opportunity to talk as I normally would. THe weather has been as gloomy as i am. Which has resulted in a stress load of significant proportion. It has even bothered me enough that i blew up at a couple employees today. NOT COOL or womanly folks. Especially when I hear this that and the other and then one of them continues to call me by my old name almost seemingly on purpose. So I hope I can get over this Dumpiness soon. I hope that this is all a result of adjusting to the new med dosage. Which I must state has caused the still continuing  pain there. Anyway I will keep you all in the know of that I guess LOL

Well Folks Have a great evening. ITs been a long day and I am about to head off to the bed. 

Love Candice

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