5 January Journal

Well good after noon folks. Its thursday. I had a dentist appointment again today. As I will have until the remaining of my teeth are pulled out. My male self didnt take of this body very well. So Now I get to pay for it. The years and years of not going to the dentist, dipping, chewing and smoking tobacco has left the teeth good but the bone has nothing left to hold them in. The bone has deteriorated enough that the dentist almost doesnt need any pain killer to remove them. OH well I am taking care of that like I am with every thing else. I slept about 2 hours after the lortab dose when I got home. Now I am kind of awake. When I woke up the side of my mouth where the latest two were pulled was ok until i started moving. Then it was OMG Hurting.

I worked about 23 hours before today and another 4 today in three days. I was rather tired this morning. Before the Lortab took effect I was chatting with a friend who is dealing with transition and love life woes.One of the hardest things we go through is the lover we have closest to us not wanting to be with us as we or when we transition.So many cases of us, we wind up losing them. it is rather unfortunate that this happens as we really arent the monster people think we are. Some people tend to get all hung up on sex, sexuality and what others think about them.. Its funny how we get so hung up on how the Jones’ see us we refuse to see that we have some really great person in our lives. Or that we are really great people in ourselves. I will agree that there is a level of sexual attraction when we first start seeing a person as a lover. BUt in a time we also are seeing that if they are a person to be getting to know or to walk away from. WHen you find that person, that special person, we shouldnt let them go. Yet at the same time we shouldnt hold them from leaving. If that we hold someone against their will they are of no use to you or themselves.Honestly there is not much life to be had if you arent yourself, or held against your will. WIth that there is also th efact that we should be learning to love folks for who they are inside and not what they look like or have in their pants. It is a hard thing to try an convince a person that you have not changed as a aperson when we are transitioning. So I found for me the best thing to do is not to talk about it a whole lot. Not let transitioning be the primary reason for living, but to live as a person. I do let major life changes be discussed. Things like starting HRT, and changing my name and living fulltime as a woman had to be discussed. But other little things of daily norms, or would be daily norms are not. Make up, and clothes we dont talk abojt from my end but if needed, she may have brought it up. We did do alot of talking on transitioning at first. BUt the talking seemed to be making things worse and not allowing for adjustment. So we both adjusted as needed and I pushed forward when I felt comfortable that she was comfy with where we were. No it in may ways is just normal that we are two ladies in the house iving together and yes we miss a few things but we still have the most important thing…..>LOVE<……

We are having a cold day and its below freezing at our house. THey are saying snow for memphis but its not a big chance so I am not too worried. WHen I watched the weather man he doesnt seem to think we will get to much if any.

WELL I guess I am off to shower and get to bed here soon. Hope you all have a great evening.

Love Candi

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