1 January  Journal 2017

Happy New Years Everyone. The new year has began and the old one only but a memory. A lot of gains have been made for this past year. I will start with a Story to gain some perspective on what I had to finally do.

Many moons ago a Cherokee Grandfather and his grandson were speaking. The grand father speaks of a fight that rages in himself and in his grandson. The grandfather states that the same fight is within every person. Like wolves they are fighting for territory. The grandson asks to learn more about this fight and what it is. Grandfather says that the fight is good and evil. They attack eachother and sometimes this fight becomes noticable on the outside of people. Some people are good and some people are bad. It is up to the winner of the battle to determine if a person is good or bad. “How long will it last grandfather?”  GRandfather replies, ” days, weeks, months, years or even decades.” “Grandfather, I have thought. But which wolf will win?” Grandfather answers, “the one you feed grandson.”

If you feed the bad wolf, then you will be a bad person. If you feed the good wolf, well, you will be a good person. The choice is still yours no matter what. I have spent my entire 46 years trying to be a good person. But some how the bad wolf seemed to keep fighting no matter what i thought i was doing. Turns out I was attempting to keep both beings alive. I fed them both at a cost. Manytimes the good wolf would get left out on the feeding and would obviously be in hibernation. I refused to see certain things in the good person i am and kept the cycle of crap. THis past holiday season has to have been the greatest I have ever had in my entire life. I have my wife by me, I have me being a whole person with no wolves to fight inside anymore like before. Life is a wonderful thing now. IT used to be so dreary and dark. Especially the holidays, usually starting in september until after the new year began. 

Now Its 2017, same as always i seelots of posts and hear lots of this year will be great. I always attempted, but this year i know for me will be a great year. I am not sure it will be greater than the last one, but its sure not going to end up dreary and dark like all the ones before hand.You see, I am not going to feed that wolf of darkness. Sometimes, more than we know we have to let go of the bad thimgs in life no matter how hard it is at times. The benefits will outweigh the bad. Such as the hormones I started 7 months ago. The benefits outweighed the risks. I am surely glad I did it. Yes there will be bad things ahead but I dont dread those things like had before. I will meet them head on like I have my transition for the last couple years. Move forward and attack the bad wolf with a great deal of love and affection and it will either turn good or die.

So its actually New years eve and I am stting here with my grand son. He has cozied up and is watching a movie on his tablet.

d HE weighs like a ton of bricks and hes only 3. Good lord he is going to be full of muscle. Hes also a little cutie, and i hope he has the good attitude that i never had. But he is a “ham” according to his mom. As all little kids, he is full of life and energy. And now that we have woke up as it is new years day, He is being a hoot as always. We have went to the museum yesterday and the zoo on friday. I plan on taking them to the Mississippi river today. Down at the river bottom where Mistress and i usually go to get away for a little bit. THere is no cell service down there and only trees, rocks and a boat ramp, along with a large moving body of water. I Like to go tell my toubles there and they can flow away to the ocean on that 300 mile journey. Anyways, we are about to head to the river while our southern black eyed peas are on to cook. 

So its a new year and I hope to not spend to kuch time dwelling on the bad wolf. I do know that on the HRT Front, I have had some major body changes. These changes have forced me to leave the hot spicy Habaneros and stuff alone, at least for now. It never used to bother me but now, I eat some of that spicy stuff and end up with pains in the urinary and bowel releases. I know this is way to much info. But Spices like that have been a staple of my diet for better than 30 years. the hotter the better. Now I have to go and find some flavors that are good and not quite as spicy, if at all. We had went to taco bell yesterday, and I ate some small ampunt of that diablo and regular hot sauce. No mild, but I didnt think much of it. Well, until today, OMG !! So I will have to experiment again with what I can and cannot eat it the Spice department. Let me tell ya, THIS REALLY SUCKS. I love Hot sauce and spicy mexican foods. TO give that up, well i a blow to my being as a Texas Girl.

The river turned out to be so foggy we couldnt see it. The Grandkid fell asleep on the way there so daughter and me just chatted quite a bit. Then we got home fixed up our lunch/dinner ate and been just relaxing all afternoon and evening. Now we are all watching finding dory. Poor little fish cannot remember past her fin. So with that I will go to watching this moving picture and see what happens to a fish with a short term memory issue.  Have a great evening folks!

Love Candi

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