23 October Journal

Good Sunday Morning Everyone. ITs still a touch chilly outside this morning. Its not that bad. Mistress is still asleep. We have both been rather sleepy here lately. Neither of us is understanding fully why. We went to my work and took care of the unit that needed repaired. Then we went to get pedicures. Before that we had Came home and took a nap. Wow, i didnt think i would have slept that long. Mistress had another hour or two on top of what i did. We did a touch of shopping for a few items we needed. Went to dinner and then we went to do the corn maze in the dark. That is really something that has to be done during the day. I wouldnt read the map. We didnt take a flash light which was good for us. We were doing the unscary maze and had fun scaring others. Other people had flaslights of some kind and because their eyes were not adjusted to the dark never could see us. It was rather fun. Though we should have worn some warmer Clothes. We came home and watched, well started watching a movie. WE couldnt finish it due to sleepy hit us like a truck. So we went to bed and now I am awake.

Today also marks 5 months I have been on HRT therapy. For the most part its been pretty good. The last month or so has been a bit rocky. I am just now getting over the illness’ that i had from working twelve hour days. Monday will be the last day of antibiotics for all the stuff i had going on. Which i will be grateful for. From a respritory infection, kidney stone, and having teeth pulled I am finally on the mend. The Mental issues the last month has been hell. The telling or fear of telling my family reeked havoc on my life. Mostly because i let it. Then we have had issues at home. Mistress having to deal with the transition. We had discussed this yesterday while we were out and about.Talking about the changes and what will happen is much different than the reality of dealing with it face to face. It has been very difficult on her. For what ever may be the reasons, its not been easy. I personally cannot know what she feels. No matter what i just only imagine it. She is the one dealing with her issues, and its tough on my part to figure out what to do to make any of this easy on her. Supporting her, finding support has been a difficult thing. Many times its like leading a horse to water. You can find what you need for them, but, getting them to drink it or take it is another issue in and of itself. I can only try and do the best I can to support her. Anyhow, I am in a touch in the dumps for that today. As last night we attempted to have sex. It was great for a while. We managed to get into it pretty well. I hope things were going good for her. Then as suddenly as it could, my body just stopped feeling. The wonderful pleasures just turned off like turning off a light. It left her, and myself hanging high and dry. IT put me and a funk that I have yet to discuss with her. seeing she is sleeping thats a bit tough to do. Just writing about this has me tearing up. This coupled with the fact I had 7 teeth pulled on wednesday has me pretty blue. The pain of the mouth and the idea of being a snaggle toothed woman until atleast december has me down. I am having to learn how to eat and cook all over again. I know how Mistress has felt about life when she was having tooth issues and had to transition to dentures. Now its my turn, for the mouth pain and the soft foods that leave you unsatisfied at the dinner table. But in the end I will have a beautiful smile to match the beautiful woman I am becoming. To match the beauty of my Mistress. Well I will never match her beauty.  Also in the changes of HRT on me, Crying and laughing are extreme. I have noticed that if I get to a painful emtional state, I cry so hard I cannot move. Then on the other hand, When the laughter comes and its really funny, I laugh so hard that tears come out of my eyes. I am like holy cow, what the hell is going on? We had an issue where we got to laughing so hard, yes both of us, that I nearly had an accident. Not to mention we still laughed hours later and I could not see to drive and just almost pulled off the road to regain my composure. If had there been an accident, there would have been so much more laughter that i dont think we sould have gotten home. I am sure that in that event i would have been tied to the top of the car. Honestly who wants to smell an accident. Not that you, the readers, really needs to know all this stuff. 

Anyway here i sit, watching CBS Sunday morning as usual. Wishing i had some warmer socks or slippers for my chilly feet.I have had breakfast, drinking coffee and chilling out. Life really is good. Despite the issues going on and to come, it just isnt that bad. The High school drama i am trying to stay away from as much as possible. If it isnt affecting me i am staying out of it. I have enough of that drama of my own to deal with. I sure as hell dont need anyone elses. Well peoples its about time to sign off. I have much to do and may not get it done. I am thinking that a nap is in order again today. but we will see. Still gotta go grocery shopping, and decide what i am going to do about the week ahead. oh well Enough rambling.
Love Candi

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