25 September Journal

Good Morning Folks, I am Candice, a free person finally. Its Sunday morning and a new beginning. My family has been told and things arent completely right in the world, but, its much more peaceful this morning. The stars were bright and shining and the cool morning air such a wonderful thing in its smell. I had a peaceful sleep and other than the urinary tract issue I feel great. 

Last week I had made a decision to ditch the breast forms. I do mechanic work and having one or two bras to wear isnt a cool thing. Especially if its a particularlly nasty day. Ruining a bra is expected in my line of work. I have been on HRT long enough to have developed some breasts and they are sensitive to certain things like being brushed against during work by heavy parts. So I have to wear a lightly padded bra at the minimum, and a push up away from work. The push up at least until the breast tissue gets larger. Then I can go to “normal” in the bra department. I had been using breast forms to proportion myself out while enfem and they worked great. THey became a “security” blanket of sorts. So last week when I went out in only a push-up, i was extremely self conscience. THis week As we have been out, I have not been that way. I feel more natural now and have no need to use the forms any longer. This leads to problem number one. I have all these bras to hold the forms that are way to big to wear with out them. So I have to purge the ones that are to large into a box for possible future use. I cannot say i will actually fill out a 38C bra, but, I may and there is no sense in having to buy those again if that is the case. Right now I can say i am 38A and those are not in stores here. So i get a 36B. THey fit just fine and dandy. They fit on the first hook rather than the last. I really am between a 36 and a 38 in the chest which i guess is a common issue or the bra wouldnt have a clasp hook system that includes 3-4 settings. So today I have to go bra shopping. I need some bras for everyday wear that “enhance” what i have, and some cutie ones so i can go out on the town with Mistress and well, BE CUTE. Its really nice not to have those forms on in the heat. We played softball this summer and let me tell ya, sweating with those forms in was a real nightmare. I sure dont miss that. It is bad enough that i sweat, then ad a bra, then add a form or two. Oh well I think you get the idea and i have rambled way to long on this subject.

Back on my Giddiness, it is going to be a great day, and the future looks so good. Now I have not been told to stay away, and i have been told to come around by my parents. I am floored by the fact that they wished I had said somting 20+ years ago. Truthfully I agree, I should have and I should have accepted myself. I would not be in the shoes now that I am if I had. However, there is a reason to everything in out lives and yet we dont always see it. I have raised 2 wonderful kids of my own, 1 step child and another step child who i wished I had more dealings with. So I did that because one it was my duty, and two I wanted to. My life isnt all that bad except for that internal fight i have had. My sister and brother both knew. I feel my parents knew but wasnt as accepting of it, though i think it was waiting in the shadows for me to come out. Sadly it was way later than I should have. With this events of yesterday, my sister has requested me to be friends on facebook. I have reluctantly accepted. I gave her the back story on how I got to the name and she seemed very accepting of that. SHe even said that she noticed and had a talk with her husband about my change of attitude while they visited on friday of all days. Then I call and chat with her and know she knows from me that i am happy. She has seemed to accept it way better than i could possibly believe.My brother is on the fence about this. I cannot say he is mad, yet he stated he had an idea that this was going on. We chatted for a good while about him and his issues and he even stated he likes that the last time he saw me i was much happier and not the mean old person i had been. So I may hear more from them than i have in years past because i am not the ass i used to be. I have offered any assistance in exploring and understanding what i have and am going through. All they have to do is ask. With this the extra male clothes i have stashed for emergencies are going to be purged out. I will keep like one or two shirts and a pair of jeans just in the event i have to be a boy to get a job. Or the other alternative, I have to be that way to see my folks. Other than that I dont need them anymore. I need to be me and happy which I can say that i am. 

Speaking of happy, I am so happy i wanna leave the house dancing in the street. The intimidation of my dad means nothing, respect of him is still there and always will be. But, I have been up since about 4 this morning, it was dark and I started writing this post. During this time the sun has started rising and the daylight is coming. It looks great and I want and will go out and enjoy it. First is breakfast and then get ready. Dolled up for no persons pleasure but my own. My own happiness. I still will worry how this has affected the family. I will care about them forever. But it will not change how i feel. This post has been rather one sided and about me. Mistress is sleeping soundly and she means the world to me. She did not sleep well on friday night. I believe it was due to the fear of the outcome of the call. I think she was as worried as i was if not more. I think this whole part about my family has really bothered her. It has had me worried about her alot for months. But now that the family has been told, I think her stress will go down as well. I still think that her heart issues has been due to me. I will always think that, and I feel bad about it. To her and everyone else, I am truly sorry for the pain. With that I will end this post here. 

Have a great Sunday Every one. I think I am done with the sad posts now.

Love Candi

2 Comments Add yours

  1. loveonastick says:

    What a FABULOUS result! So happy for you. Enjoy your day and new found freedom!


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