26 August journal. 

Well folks, it’s Friday, I’m one sick chick. To many hours at work, no rest and now I’m sick with a fever and still had to go to work. 

In my feverish thoughts wheni laid down last night to go to bed, i had things run through my head. I still even now feel at fault for some things. This has nothing to do with transitioning, it’s about friends, love, and just feeling guilty. Even though it’s really not, i feel many times that the reasons for some pain to be had by a couple folks is all my fault. If hadi not searched out myself, we would not have met. We would not have had the pain thats going on right now. With that, we wouldbt have had the good stuff either. But, did the good stuff force the bad to happen? I’ve lost a couple friends, in a sense that we no longer talk and hang out like we once did. Even when we do hang out it feels like we cannot be ourselves. Its caused so much grief. I miss so many things, maybe, just maybe,  the hate and anger will go away so we can hang out be ourselves, not hide, and be happy once again. Maybe I’m reading to much into the result of the once lovely friendship. Then again, maybe I’m right. It just hit me last night again. It makes me sad. 

You know, big girl panties aren’t much help when you’re sick. All i want to do is go home and sleep. well back to grind again. 

Ttfn

Love Candi

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Selina says:

    Sometimes friends need to step back and accept change…but doesn’t mean that they won’t be back to the way it was or even better. Never be sorry for being your true self!

    Hope you get better soon! XOXOXOX

    Liked by 1 person

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