Mental changes

A 10 day regimen on HRT and I’ve already been in a slump. I wasn’t feeling to confident myself. Had to force myself to get ready and go to the support group meeting other night. It was fun but I was deeply in the dumps. Even our outings this past weekend were fun yet depressing for some reason. Self induced puberty is likely the culprit. I say self induced, because I am on HRT now. Something I been needing for a good long time. My mind is mostly calmer, and I’m not bugged by things as much. However, some things do bug me more than others. I’ve found that I don’t really like any drama anymore. I see stuff at work where they are throwing folks under the bus to get rid of them (the idiot doesn’t count, he threw himself under the bus). All because they hate in some way another person. That kind of stuff is just stupid. Keep crap to your self document what needs documented and be a grown up professional. But a high school child. But this is Memphis, and that’s how everyone is here, entitled.
In the last ten days I’ve seen a change in how I see the physical attributes of both men and women. Women still sexy yes, men went from ok so you’re guy, to look, hey your muscles are cute. And when some fellow fifteen years my junior thinks I’m the sexiest thing in the world, well, that kinda got my attention. No I’m not going to upset the balance of my marriage. It’s a bond that cannot, will not be broke or manipulated. Now if some fellow wanted to sweep us both up as a package thing, we might just discuss that. But it will have to be mutual, and he would have to be in the money.
Lastly, I’ve thought on what is in store for my/ our future. Is this all going to screw us in the end? Am I going to have to hide and be a recluse? I don’t want that, it’s taken a lifetime of learning and doing get to the point I’m in now. No I’m not full of money. But I am content. I am happy with my wife and who she is. There is stuff that is irritating yes but I cannot complain. She Is wonderful 🙂 and I’m not going to mess that up if I can keep from it. I don’t want to lose my job, I want to support us. I do get the eerie feeling sometimes right now. Yesterday, a fellow returned to work after surgery. We aren’t best of buddies, but we talk about stuff. I almost slipped up and let the cat out of the bag yesterday. Not a major thing but still, keeping this in as been proving a touch difficult the last few days. Especially when I blurt out things about how stuff is. I don’t sugar coat things much anyway, now it’s seemingly worse. I just don’t like bs, or doing someone elses job. The front office wants me the vehicle mechanic to deal with friends facility maintenance. Calling the ac people if needed and on and on. I said that’s fine please clear it through my boss first. Then she said something about what ever, I popped off that I didn’t have to go home with her. Every one and her giggled. But at the same time I could see she was a bit perturbed.
Oh well I guess this needs to be the end of this crazy post. All in all I do better today. I cannot fix anything sitting here typing on my phone .
Have a great day everyone.

Love Candi

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Becca says:

    *hugs* it gets easier, I promise

    Liked by 1 person

    1. candicejune says:

      Thanks hun. It’s not really so much, at least I think, the hormones as it is the other drama going on around me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Becca says:

        I know the feeling. I’ve always wished that I could’ve escaped from society for as long as it took to transition in peace. It took me a few months before I sort of leveled out.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. candicejune says:

        Thanks, good info.

        Liked by 1 person

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