18 May journal

Hello everyone, it’s a late post today. It was a rough night and an emotional morning. I’m still not sure what to make of all that was discussed last night. I don’t really want to have a depressing post but I can’t seem to hold up my head. At least right now this very minute. Turns out, that as support and all that I’ve had, I’ve been destroying my relationship. So it seems anyway. That’s been my entire trouble through this. I had thought, that things were different than they are, in my wife’s mind. I understand her concerns and fears. I thought I was trying to include her feelings all this. It’s seemingly not enough. Maybe it is I’m not sure. I’m s bit lost and confused. Though she has said that she hasn’t decided and will be here tomorrow and in six months.
Fact remains that, at anytime she can say she is done and cannot deal with it.
As we both have to say goodbye to male me, i guess it’s going to be way tougher than I thought. For both of us actually. Though I’m ready, she isn’t so it seems. No matter what happens is going to be painful. For one or both of us. Part of this is all about sex. Not, in my opinion, the person, but the lack of sex and, possibly the desires of me to want men rather than her. We’ve discussed many options. We have not made a true conclusion. So it’s a stalemate. We have not gotten anyplace but tearful.
In other news, the stupid weather isn’t playing nice. It’s back to late winter in the south. It’s damn cold after having such warm weather. Then it’s been back to the forties at night and sixties during the day. It was in the upper seventies lower eighties.
It’s just been a crazy day for me. I need a nap. Then clean up and get ready for something I’ve kinda looked forward to and yet, after last night in fearful of.
I better finish my chores and get my nap on.

Love Candi

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