12 April journal

Good morning every one is Tuesday. I’m worn out, with getting to bed late two nights in a row, and then a temporary RMM is in town this week. Changing some stuff up. So I’m guessing I’m not going to be my own work. Since the idiot has allowed certain things to get behind. I’m still not 100% sure what is really happening there at work. Still I wonder if the place is about to shut down. Anyhow, I’ll be doing the idiots work for him again. And I get to see HR today or tomorrow about this issue to. Maybe I don’t have to worry about this, I surely hope not.
We went to our local support group last night. Hence the reason I got to bed late. Sugarfoot brought up relationship changes resulting from HRT. It seems she is concerned of a couple things such as a change in my feelings towards her. She was reassured that this most likely will not change. My concern is her feelings towards me changing. I know I’m not leaving her or changing my feelings about her. She is my world and life. And as she said, if she was going to leave due to my transition, she would have left already. Next was the sexual aspect. She asked about SRS and if it would allow feelings after such in the sexual realm of touching and what not. She was assured that I would have the sensations. Though other things, lubrication, would need assistance. In the car on the way home, we discussed the sex issue more. It seems she is worried we won’t have pleasurable sex. I told her even on  hrt things don’t work correctly after a time. So sex regardless of SRS would have to be worked around. We will have to find new ways. And I got feeling she was highly disappointed in all this. I know our relationship is much deeper than sex. Hearing her “sound” as though that was a deal breaker, it really bummed me out. I do know we don’t have sex regularly, sometimes for months. I don’t ever change my feelings about her over that. But that’s not the issue, the feeling of loss due to sex is. She said to me I could have pleasure in sex because I’m bisexual. I replied it would not happen. She asked why? I replied that it would be cheating, and I’m not doing that. I don’t think the conversation is complete. And to have this bum me out two days before my therapy appointment had me concerned. But i am OK today. Yes I know we need to talk about the sex issue some more. We will have to find some way to get this dealt with. She is a great person, and I know we will prevail together. My only regret is that I should have been more open about this from the beginning of our relationship. It may have been easier then, rather than waiting 13 years into our relationship. Aside from that and minute technical details here mentioned, I’ve never been more happy. Honestly. The only fear is missing the greatest person in my life, honestly.
So with that I bid everyone a good day. I’m off to working now.


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